Asexual Awareness Week 2023: Micah’s Story
Micah’s story has us deep in our feels. All too often when we talk to asexual people, they tell us that before they discovered the asexual identity, they felt like they were broken and that something was wrong with them. Discovering the existence of the asexual identity, and the asexual community alike, helped them to realize that there isn’t anything wrong with them, and they’re not broken. For Asexual Awareness Week 2023, we’re sharing Micah’s story for those who may resonate with this notion.
As Micah says, representation is so important for understanding these things. We’ve been sharing stories this week in the hope that non-ace folks will read these and develop a more complete understanding of the asexual identity, but Micah’s story, and his journey, reminds us that these conversations are just as important for folks who may be on the pathway to discovering they’re ace themselves.
So this one is for all the people out there who are trying to find their place. You are not broken, there is nothing wrong with you, and you are valid.
This is Micah’s story.
How old were you when you realized you were asexual?
30, just before I turned 31.
What was the process of discovering your asexuality like for you?
This is kind of a long story. In high school one of my friends told me straight to my face “I think you’re asexual” and I was like “wtf, no” and I never thought about it again until I was 30, about to turn 31. It was a mix of many factors that kind of converged into me discovering my asexuality.
Long story short, I started to feel like something was wrong with me. For most of my life, I thought I was straight until I hit my mid-twenties when I started experimenting more with men. By 30, I became the only friend in my friend group from high school to be single and not have dated since undergrad. I forced myself to try hookup culture on Grindr once which put me in a very unsafe and uncomfortable position and never tried again.
At the same time, Heartstopper season 1 was released on Netflix and I watched it out of curiosity and loved it so much. To be honest I thought I was bisexual after watching it. I immediately binged the graphic novels, and Radio Silence and Loveless and fell in love with all of Alice Oseman’s works. Reading Loveless is what really got me to realize that I was asexual. I mistook my lack of attraction to mean that I was attracted to men and women.
When I read Loveless it felt like my entire world shattered and I was seeing clearly for the first time. Like I was living in a tank seeing through water and glass the whole time without realizing it. And once I was out of that tank, the world and my experiences made so much sense. It was difficult to accept at first because I did not think that was who I was, and had no one to compare myself to.
What part of the asexual community do you identify as? Can you explain how that plays out for you and in your relationships?
Aspec, more specifically aroace. When I was first exploring asexual identities, I was trying to find the micro-label that worked best for me because asexual felt too general for me. Dreamsexual/yumesexual and demisexual resonated a lot with me initially but I’ve come to realize that I am a mix of a variety of micro-labels and it’s just easier to say general aspec. Now that I am aware of and comfortable with my sexuality I finally feel like I want to try dating, something I never really wanted to do before!
Are you ‘out’ as asexual?
Yes, I’m out to certain close friends and in some online spaces. I’ve also participated in an online panel on aspec experiences recently. It’s not that I’m not “out” in other contexts, it’s just that those conversations haven’t happened yet. I’m pretty loud about it on Twitter but not in my other social media spaces where I am connected to people I know more personally.
What is something you wish more people understood about asexuality in general or your banner of asexuality?
Asexuality is complex and nuanced and often overlaps with other queer identities. And people who identify as aspec have different relationships with sex. Some aces like sex and then some aces are sex repulsed, and a range of experiences in between. Some aces want romance, and some don’t! We’re so diverse and it’s beautiful to see.
Who is your fave asexual character in film, TV, books, or any other kind of media?
Immediately, Bojack Horseman’s Todd Chavez comes to mind. He’s such a good and fleshed-out character. There’s also a lovely Japanese drama called Koisenu Futari (Two People Who Can’t Fall In Love) and both main characters are aspec. It’s such a cute and heartwarming show. Also, the book Loveless by Alice Oseman has a special place in my heart because it’s how I came to realize I’m aspec.
Is there anything else you want to add?
Representation is so important and the more diverse aces we can see, the more I hope people who are aspec but don’t realize it yet become exposed to conversations like this. I don’t want them to start to think they’re broken, like how I started to think of myself. We’re perfect the way we are and that needs to be celebrated more often!
Micah’s story names quite a lot of media that inclusively shows the different varieties of asexuality within their stories. If you’re contemplating whether or not you’re asexual, you might want to check out some of the stories he mentioned. Even if you’re not, these are great examples of how asexuality impacts a person and can be an excellent tool to learn from.
Representation matters folks. In every single way.
Thank you, Micah, for candidly baring your soul and sharing your truth with us all. We are eternally grateful.
If you missed our previous Asexual Awareness Week features, you can check them out here. Follow us on X and Instagram for all queer stuff!
