Asexual Awareness Week 2023: Caitlin’s Story

It’s Asexual Awareness Week fam, and we’re deep in it! We are collecting stories from asexual people from around the globe who are ready to share their truth and help educate those who might not understand what asexuality is really all about. You’re about to meet Caitlin. She is in touch with herself and her asexuality and she identifies as asexual and *probably* aromantic. While this is a common banner among the ace family, it’s certainly not the only one. However, Caitlin’s story is so eloquently put together, that we decided to share it as it is. 

As you read Caitlin’s story, we’re absolutely sure it’s going to resonate with many of you ace folks out there, and even some of the queer folks who don’t identify as ace. This is why we’re leading with Caitlin in our homage to ace folks everywhere for this week’s celebration. 

We hope you enjoy getting to know Caitlin as much as we did! We’re going to let the narrative speak for itself from here. 

How old were you when you realized you were asexual?

I was 20 years old when I realized that asexuality was an option and that it seemed to fit my feelings and identity really well.

What was the process of discovering your asexuality like for you?

I grew up in church and the purity culture that came with it, but when faced with dramatic talks with teen groups about how much we’re going to want to have sex and how much of a struggle it would be to resist that temptation, I remember being like…really? This is a challenging thing for others to resist?

I also dated one person in high school, and my peers could not believe it when several weeks into our relationship we still hadn’t kissed. I just never felt the draw to do it and ended up breaking up with him for a multitude of reasons, a large one being that I thought the relationship wasn’t working out because I wasn’t sexually attracted to him. If only I had known then that I wasn’t sexually attracted to anyone, and that that was okay.

In college, I was questioned more and more about why I was still a ‘virgin’ and found myself more unable to relate to my classmates and their experiences with dating and hookup culture. At this point, I had distanced myself from religion and realized that my feelings about sex were not a remnant of the purity culture teachings from high school.

This revelation and coming across more ace representation in media really helped me discover this identity and become far more confident and secure in who I am. I spend most of my time traveling and now enjoy chatting with others around the globe about my identity and experiences discovering this part of myself.

What part of the asexual community do you identify as? Can you explain how that plays out for Caitlin’s story and Caitlin’s relationships?

I identify as asexual and likely aromantic. The aromantic part is something I’m still mulling over, but it seems likely. As someone who identifies as aro/ace and travels nearly full time, I find myself very content to not enter into partnerships but rather prioritize the familial and platonic relationships in my life.

I have incredibly close relationships with my family and amazing friends and don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything right now by not dating. 

At some point in my life, I envision myself having a partner with whom I travel and build a life with, but I do find myself intimidated by the prospect of finding someone to do this with who understands that I do not have sex and don’t have an interest in doing so. Like I said, though, I understand even better now the beauty and importance of platonic relationships, and would be happy to build a strong platonic partnership with someone.

What is something you, Caitlin, wish more people understood about asexuality in general or your banner of asexuality? 

That I have this immense capacity for love and am able to build profound relationships with others in a very fulfilling way without sex. I actually think that since accepting my ace identity, my relationships have grown stronger. 

And no, I’m not just waiting for the right person to come along. Please stop saying that to ace people.

Who is your fave asexual character in film, TV, books, or any other kind of media? 

I can’t believe that a few years ago I would have said that I was happy with the little smidgeon of ace rep in Sex Education with the character Florence. Now I am enjoying seeing a lot more representation – I thought that Ca$h’s character on the Netflix series Heartbreak High was interesting and that I was really able to relate to Isaac’s experience in season 2 of Heartstopper. I too was often found with a book in hand and often not able to relate to my friends.

But, I’d love to see more adult ace representation, because as much as I appreciate seeing these storylines of teenagers figuring out their ace identities, I’d love to see adults navigate that or just be proudly out ace adults. I’ve also been inspired to read more books with ace representation this Ace Week, so I can’t wait to see what ace storylines I discover.

Is there anything else you want to add?

I thought I’d just share a little bit about my experience traveling as an ace person. I am typically budget backpacking while working as a remote podcast producer, and tend to travel solo and stay in hostels. Discovering my ace identity has made solo budget travel even better than I found it before, and that’s saying something because I live for travel. Being more secure in myself has allowed me to enjoy my own company more and feel greater confidence in meeting and talking with others.

I’ve felt so much more freedom and a lack of pressure when it comes to grabbing dinner or hanging out with people that I meet while traveling. Even with people I hang out with for a day, I feel like we’re able to connect on a deep level and able to talk about complex things far beyond the next stop on our itinerary. 

Also, as someone who has never had sex and doesn’t plan to, I do not understand the logistics of hookup culture in hostels and am very happy to not understand how that works lol.

Caitlin is an out and proud member of the asexual community, but what we loved about her journey is that it is nuanced and individual. While we all fly our flags of choice, our journeys to get there are our own. And Caitlin’s story is no different. 

Thanks for sharing your personal life with us all, Caitlin. We salute you.

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Featured image: Image Courtesy of Caitlin