Happy Ace Week: Understanding the asexual spectrum

It’s almost the end of Asexuality Awareness Week, but it’s never late to shower the asexual community with a bit of love. The asexual members of the LGBTQ+ community often feel like they are the most misunderstood contender in the rainbow family. Oftentimes, this kind of displacement within a community happens because of a lack of education. How can people validate what they don’t understand? 

There is very little asexual representation in media either. While that is very slowly starting to change, we rarely, if almost never, see asexual characters on our screens, or see them pop up in our books. Visibility matters and it’s the only thing that can help shape people’s minds on an issue. 

So in celebration of Asexuality Awareness Week and in the spirit of increasing visibility, here is a short informational piece about the 4-1-1 on what exactly asexuality is. 

What is asexuality?

There is not a simple, straightforward answer to this question, which perhaps is why the spectrum of asexuality is largely misunderstood by many. According to the Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN) the spectrum of asexuality is related to sexual attraction. AVEN is careful to draw a distinction between celibacy and asexuality because asexual folks are not drawn to others in a sexual manner, whereas celibacy is a choice where individuals simply choose to abstain from sexual activity (but can and do experience sexual desire). 

Asexuality isn’t just confined to people experiencing same-sex attraction either. Folks who identify as straight can also fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum, which seems to have caused some discord within queer spaces. 

Despite not being attracted to people sexually, the spectrum of asexuality is vast and many asexual folks enjoy healthy and happy relationships. The nuances of attraction and arousal differ from person to person, but the good news is, there are at least some parameters one can work within when trying to understand the ace spectrum. 

Attitudes towards sex

There is no one thing that can define an asexual attitude towards sex because, like many other things in life, this is very personal. While it’s true that asexual people, as a rule, tend not to be sexually attracted to other people, this doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t have some kind of relationship with sex. 

For example, according to AVEN, asexual folks can be sex-positive, which means they can enjoy and support healthy portrayals of sex in media and entertainment (and real life too) and accept that sex is part of life for non-asexual people. On the flip side, some asexual people are sex-negative and don’t have a good relationship with sex in general. They wish to see sex censored in public spaces and in media. 

When it comes to asexual folks and actually engaging in sex, there are asexual people that have a hands-off policy, but there are also varying degrees of what some asexual folks are willing to do. Complete abstinence from sex altogether isn’t always synonymous with asexuality. It’s these nuances that are perhaps more complicated for people who have a traditional relationship with sex to understand. 

Romance and relationships

There are some folks within the ace community that also consider themselves aromantic. This means they don’t experience romantic attraction or sexual attraction. However, there are people within the ace community that are definitely interested in pursuing romantic relationships, even though they don’t want a sexual connection. 

One can be romantically inclined and not be interested in sex, and the same can be said for people who are interested in some kind of sex but are not interested in a romantic relationship. Both fall under the banner of asexuality, thereby reinforcing the idea that asexuality is a complex and nuanced identity marker. 

Many asexual folks do enjoy healthy and long-lasting relationships. Sometimes this occurs between two (or more) asexual people, but some asexual people also often enter healthy relationships with folks that don’t belong to the ace community. 

The key to success is education, understanding, and communicating your barriers and identity markers clearly. 

While this is just a very short snap-shot glance at what asexuality can look like, there is much more comprehensive information available at Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN). They even have a very active forum board for the asexual community to gather. Those who are questioning or just looking to educate themselves are also welcome. 

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While there isn’t a lot of representation around, here’s a list of books with ace representation that we enjoyed. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram for all queer stuff!